The latest

Well, I took a short hiatus from blogging.... if you've been following my blogs of late! Almost been a month! I've found myself trying to stay away from the computer when I'm home since I'm on it when I'm at work and with the weather being so beautiful now, I'm outside so much, too. I don't really know if I have all that much to say other than I am up one day and down the next. Pennsylvania is not "out" of the picture and it's so emotionally draining thinking about a possible move. It's weird. I don't know about other 3o somethings, but I now am not a fan of "change." I use to pride myself of being the 'adventurer'... take the risks... go for it kinda girl...but I'm actually content in a weird sort of way. Outside of an insecure financial picture, lack of job that suits Josh well and having health benefits (which, wow, until you have to find it and pay for it on your own and then to only realize you are the "person-that-can't-go-without-it-because-you-always-have-the-unforseen-health-problems"), well, everything is wonderful! I have a fabulous support system with Josh's family so close. My parents are relatively close and have been a huge blessing so many times, too. I've developed close friendships and have a fabulous church family. I get paid doing something that I'm passionate about (well, of course there are aspects I'd rather do without!!!) and have fun with colleagues that seem more like big brothers and sisters than peers. There's the awesome sense of truly being in it together. I love that. And of course, I am home the majority of the time and outside of a few moments or days here and there, I really do love being a stay at home mom. I wouldn't say I'm the "best" mom out there as I can be incredibly selfish.... most mom's I know have this insane ability to "die to self". Man, I need more of that from time to time.

Ok, so then there's the more "shallow" part to my contentment. I know. I know. I am to not be tied to earthly structures. But. I love my house. I give all credit to God. He blessed me tremendously. Being the outdoorsy person that I am, I have been creative in working with the backyard God has given us. I have poured love and sweat and time into creating a little piece of heaven... and it's of course far from perfect, but I love it. I love it! I love that God blessed me with a peaceful place to find solace in. As crazy as my life has been and is, I find God's pleasure and beauty when I am in our backyard. Call me crazy. Call my shallow. Call me what you want, but it really does tear me apart to think about having to pack up this house and... um, say goodbye to my backyard! Isn't that TERRIBLE coming from someone who is suppose to long for heaven more than what's offered here on earth?!!!!

So. That's out there now for the world to read. I'm of course asking God to help me work through this. If you want to pray for me about it, really, I'm not kidding. :)